So, I saw this post on my newsfeed today and I nodded in agreement. This doesn’t refer to brotherly love of course, rather, the destructive kind. I’ve had crushes in the past (and I can’t believe I can call them with “es” now) and now… there are probably 3 guys I find amusing. Possible crushes, or I might already have a crush on them.
But I refuse to like them.
I don’t want to like anyone without knowing truly knowing them. I don’t want to like anyone who doesn’t see me as a friend. I don’t want to like anyone who doesn’t know me as much as I know them.
And I don’t want to like someone who doesn’t like me back.
I don’t want to like anyone no matter how much I enjoy their company or watching them. I don’t want my feelings to get in the way of knowing them, of being their friend. I don’t want my feelings to get in the way of friendship.
I also don’t want my temporary source of happiness to be out of reach, or to leave me. I need to be prepared before losing contact with someone. That said, I don’t want to like someone who I might never see again—unless scheduled or fated.
I know it’s kind of pointless. I mean, it’s just a crush and it’s not like I’ll ever let them know of my feelings… but I want to keep my feelings grounded. I don’t even want them to exist in the first place.
I can’t carelessly let a “Happy Crush” seed get planted in my heart.
I can’t let my heart flutter while being next to someone I…want to get close to for no reason.
I don’t expect anything, like people liking me back, but I still don’t want to have feelings for anyone.
Hey, it's Arin. 